We kick off the first ever ‘iMPACT! Knocked Out’ with an episode of iMPACT! which is bursting at the seams with TNA Knockouts. No Alissa Flash though, unfortunately!
Grading system for the segments: A, B, C, D, F and U. F is for FAIL and U is for truly HORRIBLE segments or matches that aren’t worthy of a grade!
Okay when did the Legends title get renamed? Anyways, earlier in the night Eric was interviewed by Christy Hemme and said that this match against Hamada, could be some kind of initiation for her into the World Elite. (Watch interview.) Now to the match. Hamada’s music hits the arena and out she comes to a huge pop. The match has a ten minute time limit. Two minutes into the segment, the bell rings and the match begins. Hamada gets the crowd riled up and they both tie up. Eric forces her into the corner and breaks the tie up. He pats her on the head, but his hand is slapped away by Hamada. The same thing happens again. Eric laughs and walks off. He turns around into a huge spinnning back kick to his skull! Eric falls out the ring and Hamada follows. She hits a chop, then a headbutt, then another chop and then another headbutt before throwing him back in the ring under the bottom rope! She gets the crowd riled up yet again as Eric falls into the turnbuckle. She runs at him but he sticks his foot out, catching her off guard. She falls down as he climbs the turnbuckle. She rolls backwards, jumps up and hits him with a kick to the head again. She climbs the turnbuckle also and hits him with a huricarana. She flies onto him for the pin, but only gets a one count. She hits him with a scoop slam and signals for her signature moonsault! She climbs the turnbuckle again and executes her moonsault to no avail as Eric rolls out the way and pins her, putting his feet on the ropes to obtain a three count. Once the match is over, Hamada looks annoyed and confused, bless her.
This definately was not what I was expecting. It was a good, quick paced match, the only downfall was how short it was. I was expecting something a little longer. Final Grade: C
Continue reading for the Trailer Park Throwdown, Beautiful People mud match and Kristal’s debut TNA match!
Christy Hemme walks onto ODB’s set, who se see stomping on cans of alcohol and drinking. ODB says this ‘Trailer Park Throwdown’ is a ‘business as usual match’ for her and she’s gonna give Tara a hangover which will last after Final Resolution. She throws some more cans on the floor and yells before walking off.
I liked Hemme, but I didn’t like the interview and I don’t like ODB. Final Grade: U
Tara drinks some beer but spits it back out and cringes. She says it’s not funny before yelling about Kevin Nash. Tara says she shouldn’t have to drink before a match, that she’s a world class athelete. Tara says ODB humiliated her, she will destroy her and has no clue on how she is going to compete being under the influence. “Like I said, I will drink a K to get my hands on her and I am going to demolish ODB!” Lauren wishes her good luck before Tara walks off drinking. Lauren shouts “WATCH OUT!” as we hear a crash and Tara yelling “OWWWWWW!”.
Loved this interview! Tara shows she can still be comedic, but still be a pro. Final Grade: B
Tara’s music hits and out she comes, still drinking. Poison has a sexy new cage! We get a recap of last week’s ‘Trash Talking with ODB’ where ODB assaulted Tara. ODB then comes out and grabs an orange bucket from ringside. She mocks Tara by pretending to be sick in the bucket. She hands Tara the bucket who acts like she’s going to throw up, but instead she smacks ODB with the bucket. ODB falls over onto the apron but gets dropkicked to the outside by Tara. Tara smacks her with the bucket again as some stupid mong in the crowd SCREAMS. Tara grabs a broom (I think?) and hits ODB with it twice and then low blows her lady garden with it. She pushes ODB into a wheelbarrow, which failed. ODB falls out of it as Tara picks up a yellow bucket. She goes to hit ODB with it but ODB gets up and spits in Tara’s face. Tara falls back and ODB grabs Traci Brooks’ tape. She wraps the tape around Tara screaming “CROSS THE LINE!” like an idiot. She smacks Tara with a baking tray and throws a random red thing at her back. She hits Tara’s ass with a toilet plunger before pushing her into the ring. “LETS GO TARA”, “ODB”, “LETS GO TARA”, “ODB” chants start up. ODB catapults Tara into some ladders which were set up in the corner. ODB sets up the ladders and hesitantly makes her way up them. She decides against it and walks over to the trash can where she pulls out mini step ladders. She hits a splash off the mini ladders on Tara for a two count. The crowd are going mad! ODB paces the ring before grabbing the broom and choking Tara at the turbuckle with it. Tara reverses by flipping ODB over her shoulders, but she falls down also. Both girls are down. ODB grabs a trash can lid and hits Tara in the head. Tara grabs the same object and goes to smack ODB with it, but slings it instead. ODB hits her twice with the lid before Tara reverses and grabs the lid. She hits ODB four times in the head and then hits her in the back with it. She executes a scoop slam on ODB and this is where you notice Tara is ‘drunk’. She puts the lid on ODB’s chest and hits a standing moonsault on her which you can tell hurt Tara more than ODB. Tara motions feeling sick. She tries to climb the turnbuckle but falls down. ODB grabs a chain and chokes Tara with it. She pulls her over to a chair with the chain still around her neck. ODB picks her up and finishes the match with a sitout facebuster on the chair for the three count.
It’s always cool to see girls mix it up in hardcore style matches. There was some good spots, but overall, the match was just weird, end of. Grade: D+
The Beautiful People are bitching and Madison makes it so clear she is jealous that she didn’t get asked to mud wrestle. Oh Madi, nice hair…not! Nash turns up and says he doesn’t want to humilate the girls and that millions of eyes will be on them tonight. He bribes them with money and pulls out a special referee for Madison. “You got yourself a deal Mr Nash!” Velvet says. The Beauties and Nash “can’t wait” for tonight, especially Lacey. “I am so excited, we’re gonna get rated like one of those five star hotels, but we will get like six stars because we’re so hot!” she says. Madi and Velvet are like OMG, but say at least she’s pretty. They hand Lacey a mirror and she says “OH I AM!” as the scene ends.
Well bless, Kevin Nash is a creepy old man. Apart from that, Lacey sold the segment for me! I love her dumb bimbo gimmick, she plays it so well. Final Grade: D
The Beautiful People are backstage. Madison says they should have a wardrobe malfunction, but Lacey thinks she’s overthinking it and that her and Velvet should just wrestle. Apparantly, Lacey is “SO SMART!” so the three start being slutty and weird. They flash their outfits to each other, not letting the cameraman see. Velvet says tonight should be the first time they kiss on TV. They all leave as Lacey yells “YAY LET’S GO SLING SOME MUD!”..
Again, Lacey sold the segment! “LET’S GO SLING SOME MUD” has to be my one of my favourite lines ever! Final Grade: D-
It takes forever for The Beautiful People to get over to the paddling pool filled with watered down mud which looks like baby sick. They take off their robes and to my suprise, were actually clothed. I thought they would of completely skanked it up for this. Anyway, the ‘match’ starts at around the 2:30 mark and they just roll around like pansies. They roll on each other, trip up and slap mad on each other. Madison screams but gets thrown in the mud. Velvet pins Lacey and the three of them whore around with the mud.
This was worse than I expected, bless TNA for letting this ‘RATINGS GALORE MATCH’ trainwreck go ahead. Final Grade: U
Kristal and Bobby come out first. Kristal is pretending to be scared when we know she isn’t as we haven’t forgotten about her former WWE wrestling career, bless, nice try. Scott comes out followed by Kong. Kristal is pooping her panties. The match is all about the men. Kong trips up Bobby at one point and wants tagged in, Steiner ignores her and signals for her to hit Lashley. But Lashley ducks and she clotheslines Steiner. She gets pissy and sizes upto him, which allows Bobby to harm him. Kristal pats her husband on the shoulder, which the ref classes as a tag. So Kristal goes spazzy and gets shouted at by the ref to get in the ring. Steiner backs her up into the ring where Kong hits her with a spinning back fist and a scoop slam. Kristal is KNOCKED OUT! Steiner pins her and then does push ups over her as he is a weird immoral twat.
Ummm, what happened to Kristal getting slammed through a table? Bless wrong spoilers, get your facts right in future. I was not impressed with the Knockout action in the match. I was excited Kristal was making her return to wrestling, but bless, it wasn’t very eventful; it just made her look weak and stupid. Final Grade: F
