Welcome to RAW is MARC!

Yes it’s a little different tonight as Marcella is away partying with her students and fellow teachers, but I, the fellow Royal and twinny of ‘Cella, have stepped in for her tonight to bring you a sexy and hot version of the very Royal RAW live coverage.

Tonight’s guest host is another US star I have never heard of before; Johnny Damon. Let’s hope he does something good!

RAW is on! They show us some previews but bless, there are no commentators speaking! How DARE they blank a Royal! Anyway, Johnny Damon (again WHO ARE YOU?) comes out to gayazzz music and tries to pander to the crowd, but they boo him. Damn, they hate him. He talks some crap and tries to get the crowd involved again but they just boo him as they are bored like the rest of the poor unfortunates that have to watch him. A man in a tiger suit is running away as COURTNEY TAYLOR swings for him with a golf club. A blatent piss take of the current Tiger Woods situation. The Divas come out first as this idiot guest host botches life. Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly and Melina come out in Santa suits! Jillian, Maryse and Alicia then strut out being all bitchy! Let’s get this show on the road….Continue reading to see the full live coverage!

Santa’s Little Helper Six Diva Tag Match:
Divas Champ Melina, Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly vs. Alicia Fox, Jillian Hall & Maryse
The bell rings, Gail and Jilly lock up. Jilly knees Gail and hits her with an elbow. Irish whip to the corner. Jilly charges but Gail moves. Gail does her weird shoulder thing and moves out the ring. Gail smacks Jillian’s head and hits a cross body on her from the top rope for a two count. Gail hits an elbow to Jillian. Jillian reverses an Irish whip and goes to hit her flippy elbow thing, but as always she doesn’t get to hit it! Gail catches Jillian’s head and sits on her shoulders, but Jillian drops back and Gail falls down for a two count. Jillian tags Maryse. They hit a double Irish whip. The crowd are dead and there’s no commentary still. Maryse hits her spinning bakbreaker for a two count. Gail tosses Maryse into the turbuckle and tags Kelly. She hits two clotheslines, a dropkick and a huricarana. She hits the K2 for a two count as Jillian and Alicia break the pin up. Melina dives on Jillian as Gail catfights with Ms Fox. Maryse picks up Kelly, but Melina dropkicks Kelly’s back. Kelly falls on Maryse in a crossbody move for the three count. They parade around in the ring like woah.
Winners: Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim & Divas Champ Melina

Marcella will be pleased in spirit as Cody Rhodes (and the rest of Legacy) make their way out. But bless, they lost.

Santa, the guest host, Bellas (who aren’t in baseball outfits! OMG!) and Eve Torres are backstage being weird. Carlito speaks with Eve. He says they are standing under the mistletoe. He waits to kiss her but Masters stands in the way. They push each other as Eve walks away. OH I just noticed a lovely fan sign that reads “I <3 CHEESE!" Carlito versus Chris Masters is up now. We get a recap of last weeks Slammy awards where Carlito smacked Hardy which featured Eve. Masters comes out accompanied by Eve, but I cannot see her at ringside. Oh, nevermind. She’s sitting down next to Michael Cole. Cole says Eve is impressed with the ‘dancing pecs of Chris Masters’. Masters wins and Eve jumps up lapping. ‘Eve comes into his life and Masters is unstoppable’ is what Cole just said. Is he DENSE? Eve pulls out some mistletoe from Masters panties and snogs Masters. His pecs get excited and jump around; nobody wants to see this. They then play a review of the Tribute To THe Troops which features the Bellas, Layla, Eve, Alicia and Kelly.

The Christmas Bellas are whoring around with the tiger who’s face was nearly rearranged by Courtney Taylor earlier tonight. We lose sound as Courtney Taylor runs in weilding her golf club. She once again tries to rearrange his face. Mae Young then appears and forces herself on Johnny. She tries to get up but falls back down. She gets up and yells “MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!” as she giggles in her whorey outfit. Next weeks guest host will be Timbaland.

JENNI JOUSER Jen/Jan (her name changes all the time) the make-up lady is seen wiping the guest hosts mouth. Marcella is back and we have come to the conclusion that Johnny Damon is an asshole. Miz versus Santino Claus (trainwreck) and Miz wins by hitting Santino with Maryse’s old move. Miz is SO ORANGE! The Royals think Courtney Taylor should come back and attack everyone with her lovely golf club!

Big Show calls out the real Santa. The Bellas come out with a Santa. They hand him a mic and walk off. Lots of little people come out from under the ring to irk us. Big Show makes me very happy by HARMING the smallest midget. I know this isn’t Diva related, but oh well. DX think they are The Royals. LISTEN OLD FOLK, please refrain. Now you are copying the Glamarella, Rosa Mendes skit – ‘CAN WE KEEP HIM?’ – please just SMACK Hornswoggle and be done with this bullshit. LMFAO at the fake snow all over my tv.