Raw is MARCELLAAAA is back again this week!  Be sure to be patient as this live coverage correspondent has no internet access where the television is located. Thanks Time Warner for shotty phone/internet service!

I will do my best to make it as live as possible.

Last week, we saw the return of Melina.  I wonder what shenanigans she will get up to this week.

Bret Hart needs a makeover. He looks icky!

There’s a “I <3 GAIL KIM“!

I really like Chris Jericho‘s suit. PANDERING SYCOPHANTS! Ouch, Bret said CRAP. =O There’s an illiterate sign that said “U SUCK!” Why is Bret Hart all sweaty? He didn’t wrestle yet.

Oh dear, I actually like what Edge is wearing as well. As I’m sure my best friend, Brecca (follow her on twitter— @DeeGates), dressed him.  Edge says he’s back in but tries to smack Hart. Hart attempts to put the sharpshooter, but it’s a thumb to the eye by Jericho. NATALYA runs down crying and visibly upset. She tells her Uncle Bret to help.  The Nexus have attacked the Hart Dynasty in the back. Wade Barrett is like “oops now Hart Dynasty can’t be the replacements”! LISA is happy as Wade is pummeling people!

NATALYA is seen fussing over Tyson and David. Bret Hart is livid and wants to smack Nexus with chairs.

OH NO it’s the MIZ! Marc is probably having a nightmare right now. LMAO! ;) We see a commercial for Verizon… o.O EVAN BOURNE comes out to slap Miz. Trisha is probably drooling! Trisha, here’s a drool bucket. ;)

The crowd is chanting, “MIZ IS AWFUL!!!” Michael Cole stop fanboying around, it’s very irkful. You my friend are the real MARKY MARK!!

Evan Bourne’s black eye is terrible. :( It ruins his sexy face.

The slam of the week features the Six Diva Match from last week. We see the return of Melina!

Nontitle Singles Match

MELINA PEREZ vs. ALICIA FOX

We see Melina Perez come out as she walks down the red carpet. She hits The King’s favorite entrance. She is wearing a blue attire. Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox comes out wearing a light brown and pink attire! (I don’t really like it!!) They have a stare off. Melina goes for a lock up but Fox gets Melina into the corner. She hits a hairtoss on Mel. Fox hits Mel. Elbow to Fox and then a backbreaker. Melina is hitting so many forearms.  That sexy facebuster move was hit. She then hits the hairtoss.  Fox goes to the outside. She hits a clothesline on Melina.  Fox is holding her face. She grabs Mel’s hair twice. She wants to pull Melina’s hair off.  Backbreaker to Mel. It’s only a two count to Melina. Fox is really working on the hair. Fox is drilling the knee into the spine of Melina. Mel tries to get back  into the match. Fox is doing a gutwrench submission move. Melina is trying to fight out of it. MelMel hits the Last Call Sunset flip Bomb and PINS the WWE Diva’s Champion Alicia Fox. Melina does her primal scream and does her poses.

I swear the crowd was yelling something about pulling wigs off.  o.O

In the break, the GM says that Melina will face Alicia Fox for the WWE Diva’s title at Summerslam! Melina is crying while Alicia is angry.

Later tonight, it’s going to be a triple threat tag team Swimsuit Spectacular! It will be the BELLA TWINS vs. GAIL KIM & EVE TORRES vs. MARYSE & JILLIAN. By the way, the pictures were of them in their Summer Diva photoshoots.

Lucha Libre: Mexican Wrestling has a commercial on right now. LMFAO

Ted Dibiase ( in his PURPLE PANTIES) makes his way out with Maryse ( in a grayish snake skinlike dress).  She looks like she will have a boobula slip. She hits her hairflip and Dibiase smirks. Nexus smacks the crap out of Mark Henry. I really miss Daniel Bryan in Nexus.

It’s the human jar of MAYO!!!!! :) Now we see the sexy movie called Legendary! It’s in theaters September 10th ! YAYA!

Mess with  me and OSD, and I will send NEXUS after you! ;) I am the leader of Nexus. KTHXBAI! I would be part of Team WWE with my  twinny, Marc. But bless, I’m the leader of Nexus, so that’s a no go.  ;)

PROMO  YAYA for Sheamus! Don’t care. Sorryyyy!

Anyways, I was looking at some sites during my break at work and people were saying that CODY RHODES and TED DIBIASE are “generic hosses”.  Awwh, sorry! I don’t think so. Typically, hosses are rather large talent. They aren’t that TALL.

Oh look, Randy Orton  is stalking Sheamus. YAYAYAYA! :)

Fuck off GM’s email! Stop writing that blah blah blah!

Orton’s panties  have purple writing. :) He’s setting  up for the punt kick but stops. He looks at a scared Sheamus. Orton raises the title. Hahahaha!

So the Season Two NXT’ers are out to wrestle in a six person match. Sheamus is stewing at ringside.  There’s another  Gail Kim sign.. This one says “Gail Kim Next Diva’s Champion”.  KAVAL is  flawless!!! Sheamus goes nuts and mauls NXT’ers! LEAVE KAVAL ALONE BITCHFACE!!! I doubt think SHEAMUS wants to increase the WRATH of Marcella and LAYCOOL! REAL TALK SHEAMUS!!

I miss Zack Ryder’s half panties/half pants attire. :( MOMO’s hair looks shorter and this beard has got to GO!

Yes, I’m pretending R-Truth does not exist. :)

We see Nikki and Brie Bella walking backstage with water noodles and towels. They are ready for their match. They clap hands.

Triple Threat Tag Team Swimsuit Spectacular

BELLA TWINS vs. GAIL KIM & EVE TORRES vs. MARYSE & JILLIAN

Maryse and Jillian are there.  Kolzov and Santino Marella are the special referees. Eve and Gail come down the slide. Then it’s Bella Twins. Maryse is hurting Eve with her fat hat. Eve is choking and pulling at Maryse’s hair. Brie tags in and smacks Maryse around. Mary smacks Brie. Jillian is smacking Brie with a towel. Nikki tries to get in. Jilly is smacking Brie. Brie powers out. Jilly is screaming valley girls. Nikki gets into the match. She hits dropkicks and hurricana. Eve gets into the match. Neckbreaker to Nikki. Maryse attacks Eve but gets water tubed by Gail. She  Eats Defeat. Jilly goes to hit a Samoan Drop on Gail. She kicks Eve out of the ring. Jillian throws Gail into Eve. And bless, The Bella Twins win with cross body. She was smacked by both Bella Twins. Tamina comes out and intimidates Santino. She allows him to go and smack his bottom. Santino is so happy.

Is it necessary to have bad hair to be in Nexus? Wade is the only one with NORMAL hair.

Justin Long ( the star of Going The Distance) will be the Guest Host next week.

Edge and Jericho are back on Team WWE! They are down one person now.