Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to yet another edition of SmackDown! Im really sorry for missing the coverage last week, but you know, school is a real pain in the a$$! This week: The newcomer Aksana teams up with Tamina, to take on the Divas of Destruction, Natalya and Beth Phoenix. Watch the video below:

We see Aksana coming down the isle, with her romantic theme playing, and she blows some kisses to the fans before entering the ring. Out next are the D.O.D and they lo0k very synchronized with their color matching outfits. They make they’re way into the ring looking very powerfull.
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Are you wondering why Divas Champion Beth Phoenix smashed squashed through Eve Torres last night? Lords of Pain have a rough idea, though this is just a rumour. We don’t want to spoil you, so this article is under the cut.

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Welcome to my show, Raw! Well, I really shouldn’t claim something that Johnny Ace “runs”, but nevertheless, I will for fun.

We see and hear a promo telling us the later tonight we will have a Divas Title match up between The Notorious Eve and The Glamazon Beth Phoenix. 

Vickie Guerrero leads  Dolph Ziggler (on his leash) to the ring. If Vickie doesn’t him to the ring, Dolph will find his old pom poms from his Spirit Squad days and become distracted.  We do NOT want that to happen! Thank GOODNESS Vickie is here to GUIDE HIM! By the way,  WHAT IS UP WITH HIS JACKET/VAST THING? Who told him he could wear that small dead rodent to the ring? So as he faces the Viper Randy Orton, Vickie shouts and cackles everywhere.  Totally random blurb that you really don’t need to know and don’t care to know, I like saying BARRETT BARRAGE! Lisa Jane (LJ) has influenced me too much! :P Orton hits a superplex on the top rope as his snakey baby mating routine in order to get Vickie under his spell. Vickie wasn’t paying attention since she was probably sewing tiny panties together for Dolph to wear next week.  Dolphy loses so Vickie is very upset. Back to the drawing board for her!

We see a clip from last night when Kane went apeshit on Ryder and Cena. We see Eve’s best facial impression of that time Layla retired Michelle McCool and  Lay was so distraught.

What the Funk? Naomi and Cameron Lynn (in new weaves and attire– attire is still bad) come out and dance with Brodus Clay for lifetime. Brodus Clay annihilates Tyler Rex.  The announcers talk about dinosaurs. So then, Naomi and Cameron dance for another seventy years. Thanks for nothing! (That one is for you, MARC!!!!)

KONG OUT ALERT:  There’s no sign of Kharma yet.  It’s making The Royals VERY MAD!

 Line of the Night:  R-Truth: Little Jimmy is smiling like a Little Jimmy!

I thought I would never put a line of R-Truth’s in my coverage and say he amused me.  He amused me very much tonight. He would have AMUSED me more if he and Little Jimmy threw Cole into a garbage bin. Until that happens, R-TRUTH, YOUR CASE IS DISMISSED!

I wonder when David Otunga will get the picture that HE and HIS MUG are annoying and should GTFO! Thank you for your consideration IN THIS GRAVE MATTER!

The illusive squash match for the Divas Title is UP NEXT!

WWE Divas Title Match: Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix

Eve makes her daring entrance  looking like she is going cry and ask for her mommy. Then, Beth Phoenix makes her way out. She decides to  NOT have her headband match her outfit because she thinks she is that much of a badass. Unfortunately, she finds out that she is NOT a badass. We will get to that another day as that is a horse of a different *ROYAL* color.  So anyways, Eve beats Beth into a corner and goes apeshit. The referee admonished her.  So, Beth and Eve have a tea party for a hour. However, Eve gets nailed with a clothesline because she didn’t like how Beth baked the crumpets, made the tea, or how Beth was mismatching (rightfully SO!)  Beth hits the GLAMSLAM for the win.

Winner: Beth Phoenix

Kane appears on the titantron so Beth MAKES LIKE A TREE AND LEAVES! (That’s for you, Marc!) Kane is babbling to Eve who is NO SELLING the Glam Slam.  Kane is trying to be a professor of hate. I wasn’t paying attention since I was SO MAD! (Yes, mad like Daffney). Why was I mad? Well, Eve was cowering like an idiot and plus Beth legged it up the ramp like a weirdo as well.  So anyways, Kane appears behind Eve since she’s his newest victim. John Cena makes the save. He goes batshit all over Kane as Eve disappears. Good news is, Eve is alive. Bad news is, the Royals are ANGRY!

Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox are backstage talking as Johnny is walking. They point and laugh at him. Apparently, they were dressed weird. I can’t say as I missed the entire 1 second thing as I was more interested in grabbing a lemon drop than seeing Johnny Ace walk. Sorry Foxy and Kellz! Better luck next time!

KHARMA MAKES A NO SHOW!  This does NOT excited us. We all want to see her “kong” out.  With antics like this, WWE doesn’t have  HAPPY BUNNIES in the form of the WWE UNIVERSE!

Mark my words, if there’s no Kharma on Smackdown, THERE WILL BE PROBLEMS!

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[Insert sexy and hot logo from Marc]

Welcome to the 25th Annual Royal Rumble!

We get a surprise in the form of an 8 diva tag match. Out come the heels all color coordinated in blue. Beth Phoenix (The Divas Champ), Natalya and the Bella Twins do their signature entrances. The faces, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, and Tamina make their way out there.  K2, Foxy, and Eve are wearing orange gear. Tamina must have not gotten the memo of being color coordinated at this event. However, she made up for it by having a wonderful hair style. What was she thinking?

Nattie and Tamina start  by slapping each other and stuff. Tamina chops Nattie several times, which made me giggle. She then HEADBUTTS Nattie, which probably made Marc squeal in his dreams.  Some stuff happens and Tamina tags in Eve. BOOTY POP EVE DROP occurs! Some more stuff happened and suddenly Nattie gets control. Eve gets backed up in the wrong part of town. Beth gets the tag.  Beth and Eve fight tooth and nail for three hours. Eve hits her fancy kick and then does her seated clothesline. I think she thinks she is an airplane. Eve goes for a senton and Beth gets her knees up. Bless!!!!!!! Beth and Eve play for a little bit until Brie Bella tags in. Brie chokes EVE on the ropes for fun. Oh dear, Eve gets kicked in the face. Brie does a fancy chinlock. Eve battles back and tags in Alicia. The Foxy One hits a clothesline and a pair of  one legged dropkicks.

Anyways, Alicia stomps on Brie for fun until the referee stops her. THAT IS NOT NICE! During Alicia’s detention,  the Bella Twins pull Twin Magic. Nikki gets into the ring into the corner. SNEAKY LITTLE BUGGER! Alicia gets smacked about until Kelly gets the tag.  K2 does her head scissors takedown as well as hits her back handspring elbow in the corner. Oops, she hits a bulldog on Nikki. K2 attempts a pin but Brie breaks it up.  Nattie and Eve play for a bit.  Then all the divas fight outside of the ring. K2 climbs to the top rope and hits a crossbody splash  on everyone and their mother. All divas are down! K2 grabs a Bella (don’t know who, don’t care who). I think it was Nikki. Suddenly, Beth smacks the Bella in the back to tag herself in since K2 is all wobbly.  Beth tells the Bella to get out of her ring. She hits the GLAMSLAM on K2 for the victory.

Winners: Beth Phoenix, Natalya and The Bella Twins

Beth then PMS all over the place. She sends evils to Nattie. The other Bella tries to celebrate but she sees Beth is MAD!  The heels celebrate.

In backstage land, Ryder is  throwing angry faces (not mad faces because only Daffney is mad).  He is throwing these angry faces at John Laurinaitis. Eve runs up and bitches  Johnny Boy out using BIG BAD WORDS! I will break it down for all of you. She basically said Laurinaitis is an IDIOT and  a JERK! She (and I) hope he is fired tomorrow night on my show, Raw. Laurinaitis says “that’s gratitude for ya” and walks off. Eve calls him an ass and wheels Ryder into his cage.

Cameron Lynn and Naomi help  Brodus Clay out. They dance for a year.  Drew McIntyre throws them kisses and gets squashed. The dance trio dance for another year. Thank you for coming!

Vickie Guerrero  helps Dolph Ziggler to the ring only to be thrown out by Johnny Ace several minutes later. She throws a fit so she should even though she wasn’t supposed to be out there.

Vickie comes out with Dolph, who returns to the Rumble match since he lost his previous match.

At entrant 21, the world gets a surprise, especially Michael Cole, who is dancing like FOOL. We hear a laugh that we all love.  Kharma  laughs and makes faces at Cole. She clotheslines Cole. Cole tries to make a like tree and leave (that’s for YOU MARC!) Booker and Lawler pull Cole off the apron to be eliminated. Ziggler tells Kharma to GTFO, so she implant busters him for shits and giggles. Vickie lays in the riot act on Kharma. Kharma starts towards Vickie and she decides discretion is the better part of valor. Thus, she leaves  Kharma ALONE! Huncio charges at Kharma, which is a big mistake. He must have taken his dumb pills this morning. Kharma tosses him over the top rope for fun. Ziggy comes from nowhere and dumps Kharma to the floor. She is eliminated.  Vickie cackles everywhere.

It was a nice Royal Rumble match. It was definitely not one of the best versions; however, it was enjoyable.  The PPV was decent enough to not get many tongue lashings from me. I was happy that the divas match got some air time. I’m definitely looking forward to my show, Raw! ;)

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Welcome to Raw is Marcella!

Vickie Guerrero helps Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger to the ring for their match against John Cena and CM Punk.  She excuses them and the WWE Universe! During the match, Vickie keeps excusing everyone and their mother, especially when her men won!

Backstage, Zack Ryder and Eve Torres are talking. Mick Foley walks up to them  and wishes the WOO WOO WOO man luck.  Eve says to Ryder to not go out there against Kane in the Falls Count Anywhere Match. Ryder tells her he has to. John Cena offers help, but is declined because Zack-static Zack Ryder wants his belt back.  His music hits an the Zack Pack wait for their fearless leader.

During the match, Eve Torres makes her way out because Kane is being a bad monster. (Well a good monster, technically!) Eve cries everywhere like a silly when Ryder gets thrown through the stage. Kane stalks Eve thinking she is Trish Stratus or Lita. Cena comes out so Kane makes like a tree and leaves. (That’s for my BFFL, MARC!!! :P) Eve is crying seventy rivers throughout commercial break and when the TV goes back to RAW!

They load Ryder onto the stretcher and he gets a nap and a ride through the backstage area.  As we see the stretcher being carted around,  Beth Phoenix and the Bella Twins are spotted.

Meanwhile, Eve is so MAD and SAD! She tells Cena it is ALL HIS FAULT! She goes into the ambulance to go to the fake hospital.

If Eve wanted to make my day, she would have taken her SHOES off and thrown them at Kane, or better yet her ear ring. It bores me when the girls fake cry like blithering idiots! You know you would be mad that Kane is being bad because he has a HISTORY of being a freaky monster.

Naomi and Cameron calls Brodus Clay’s mother after dancing an hour.

Anyways, that is all for tonight.  I wish Johnny Ace would get real future endeavored rather than FAKE future endeavored. :(

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Welcome to Raw is Marcella!

Vickie Guerrero comes out with Dolph who bashes Mick Foley. CM Punk comes out. Then Vickie looks shocked when Punkie is bad to her. She then makes an off color comment about weight. Foley wants to be the Rumble and Johnny Ace says NO! Vickie cackles everywhere. <3

Rosa Mendes helps Primo and Epico to the ring and they win. She dances and is so happy!

Eve Torres and Zack Ryder are backstage and are complaining that he shouldn’t wrestle. Eve says she’s coming with him.

Vickie helps Jack Swagger to the ring.  Eve helps Ryder to the ring.  Vickie keeps making fake crying gestures at Eve. Bless, Eve helps a defeated Ryder. Vickie celebrates the title win.

 Backstage,  Ryder and Eve are  with the doctors.  John Laurinaitis says he just saw the medical report that Ryder wasn’t cleared. Eve yells at Laurinaitis and he tells her to shut her mouth, show respect for authority. OH SNAP! Eve looks like she will cut a bitch  an idiot.

Perez Hilton does the ring announcing and is horrible. He calls Kelly Kelly divalicious. Who does he think he is? :P

Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox make their way out. Then we see the Bella Twins. Marc will be pissed that cat suits are still HERE!

K2 starts the match with a Bella.  K2 gets slammed and her back is rammed into the corner. She gets kicked.  K2 dodges a clothesline and hits a bulldog. Bella 2 breaks up the attempted pin.  Alicia runs in and distracts the referee by accident.  Bella Twins do twin magic but Perez pulls the naughty Bella out.  The legal Bella yells at Perez as the illegal Bella yell at Perez. The legal Bella gets rolled up for a lost.

Winners: Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly

After the match, K2 and Alicia celebrate. Perez is in the ring and get shoved on his back by a Bella.  He wanted to fight them. Kelly and Alicia step up and the Bella Twins make like a tree and leave.

Jack Swagger is helped to the ring by Vickie. Bless, he gets thumped all over the place by John Cena.

We hear the voices of Cameron and Naomi introducing the Funky Brodus Clay. They dance in new outfits.  Brodus Clay scares JTG! BLESS!  They dance once again since Mister Clay wins.

We hear an update of AJ LEE from Daniel Bryan.  AJ will never be the same. Bless, she’s okay. Stop being stupid, WWE!

Vickie Guerrero  help Dolph to the ring in his six man match. She keeps cackling like a witch!

Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of SmackDown! After last week’s Generation vs Generation match, Tamina and Natalya square off once again:

Natalya is (again!) already in the ring, and she looks (again!) mad, as she waits for her opponent. Tamina’s new theme plays and she comes out with a new titantron, a new ring gear and a new attitude! She strikes a pose and she goes down the isle, as we see Natalya trying to attack her, but the ref stops Natalya. Tamina enters the ring as her theme fades.
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Welcome to another edition of *Struck. This week we got the lovely Kelly Kelly against Brie Bella with her sister Nikki Bella in her corner. Is there a chance we’ll see some twin magic? Let’s find out!

Holla! Out first is Kelly Kelly in her blue-purple like gear. Scott Stanford talks about Kelly’s slow climb up the ladder back to the top, and mentions the so-called animosity amongst the diva division. What animosity? We haven’t since our champion since late December, and the last diva’s match we had so far had our Eve get ran off by a monster. We head to commercial as Kelly panders to the crowd.

We return and out next is the Bella twins, rocking their red cat suits. After Nikki leaves the ring, the bell rings and we get started with a bunch of shoving from Kelly to Brie. Brie slides between the ropes to get Kelly to back off, I guess we’re getting a bit of that push psycho Kelly that we had a few weeks back, or was it longer ago? Kelly grabs Brie by her hair and flings her across the ring, or rather tries too. It kinda looks like Brie did most of the work to me.

Kelly screams as she grabs Brie by the hair again and slams her head repeatedly into the mat in that way that only Kelly does, where it makes no contact what’s so ever. Nikki jumps to the apron and distracts Kelly, allowing Brie to sneak up and kick her in the gut. She throws Kelly into the corner but Kelly fights her off, before hanging herself over the top rope, using her legs to hold onto Brie. Interesting move, and great reflexes on Kelly’s part to fall to her feet on the outside without smacking her face on the apron. She grabs Brie by the feet and yanks her down on her face. Kelly means business tonight!

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Welcome back to the FCW&OSD. I got a bit busy as of late, and was unable to do my actual coverage but I’m gonna try to get back to it. With FCW not being a local show for me, it’s hard to keep up with it.

Without further ado, let’s get started!

Our only diva dose comes in the form of Cameron Lynn and Aksana. Out first is Cameron and I’m totally digging her look. Much better than the stuff what she wore on this week’s Monday Night RAW. Don’t even get me started on that train wreck of a debut. As Cameron panders to the crowd, we catch sight of newly signed Danielle, who’s ring announcing. I’m fairly against women ring announcers, except for Garcia, Danielle sounds really nasally to me. Aksana is out next in her lingerie meets leather gear.

The girls start off insulting each other, but Aksana is quick with a slap to Cameron’s face. Cameron doesn’t take it to nicely and runs right after Aksana, who runs to the ropes to cause the referee to push Cameron back. More trash talking from the girls until Aksana goes for a clothesline, which Cameron is quick to duck following with a couple of weak hip tosses to Aksana. Aksana tries to get away from her, but Cameron chases her until she’s able to kick Cameron away.

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Welcome to Raw is Marcella!  This will be extremely short. I am writing articles that will be in academic  journals and  I have to wake up for work at 4:30AM for this whole week.  I’m going to be working 6:30AM to 6PM! SO YIKES! I don’t have the time, but I couldn’t let Raw not get ROYALIZED!  So this coverage will be short and sweet, basically to the point! I hope it’s entertaining!

Congratulations to Edge being in WWE HALL OF FAME! Mil Máscaras is also in the Hall of Fame. They said so last year. I wonder if he will be the second name to be said (well restated).

Zack Ryder is on the phone with his dad and Eve Torres walks up so he acts tough. Ryder flirts with Eve and wants a date.  She agrees. Her match against Beth Phoenix will be later. If she wins, she will get a title shot. She goes BYEBYE!

Naomi and Cameron Lynn dance out there with Brodus Clay who is some funky shit. Wonderful. I am scarred for life. Thank you WWE!

The Miz wants Epico and Primo to be his bodyguards. Rosa Mendes yells at him something fierce in Spanish. They run away.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler help Swagger to the ring or he will get lost. He is screaming like a weirdo. Swaggy and Vickie can’t be at ringside at Royal Rumble since Punkie won.

We come back from a sexy and hot break and see The Bella Twins arguing who is an A-List. One of them thinks she is the Stacy Keibler.  Nice mention of a former diva turn socialite.  Ricardo Rodriguez comes up to them and ask why in the blue hell they wanted him to come from Mexico to talk to them. They want to talk about Alberto Del Rio. Ricardo acts like snarky biatch and says they could have used the TELEPHONE! The Miz bothers everyone and tells Ricardo to call out R-truth or face a beating.  Ricardo asks the Bellas to come to the ring with him and they are like “YEAH RIGHT”. They leave the Mexican Pinata to be smacked by R-Truth.

Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Barry Windham and Tully Blanchard as The Four Horsemen  will be inducted into  the 2012 Hall of Fame. Um, not to sound angry or stupid, but Flair’s already in the HOF. It doesn’t matter that it is now The Four Horsemen. WHEN IS  Mil Máscaras gonna be announced once again???!!!

Eve Torres  comes out for her match. Beth does not come out, instead we get Kane’s music. Zack Ryder comes out to save Eve. They run away to the back and get to this ugly green car. Eve gets into the car and Ryder changes a flat tire for a year.  Eve keeps making stupid scared noises.

We come back from a break to see that Vickie Guerrero has already helped Dolph Ziggler to the ring for his match against Cena.  Bless. Vickie just screams a bit. Cena sees that  Ryder is attacked by Kane.  With Dolph on his back, Cena throws Dolphie around so he can go save Ryder. (By the way, Dolph had the dreaded sleeper on Cena).  Kane spanks Cena and Ryder. No Eve to be seen. Also, Vickie tries to get Dolphy to the ring to avoid a count out. It doesn’t seem to help.

So then, we all lived happily ever after. The END!

SUPERSTARS SPOILERS

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